


More Than You'll Ever Know

by Miss_Vanderwaal



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 01:11:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Vanderwaal/pseuds/Miss_Vanderwaal
Summary: Spencer goes to Mona's hotel room to apologize for technically being the reason the girl got fired, but instead, she ends up getting help without asking for it, and in regards of a problem she didn't even know she had.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is the result of nearly three days without proper internet service :P 
> 
> Also, I feel that it's one of the most meaningful things I've ever written. And I'm glad it's about Spona because I'd love it if their relationship (I'm not sure if we can call it that) actually meant something instead of just being "Hastings or Vanderwaal, which one is smarter/more badass?".
> 
> Ps: this is based off of the Spona scene in 6x18 and it's kinda AU from there.

   When Spencer said, at The Radley’s reception counter, that she would like to go up to Mona Vanderwaal’s room, she didn’t think that the girl would actually let her come up. But Mona was standing by the open door once Spencer got out of the elevator. The smaller one’s facial expression at the moment they both locked eyes wasn’t the friendliest ever, though.

   Spencer didn’t plan on admitting it, but she felt even more ashamed of herself once she realized how fed up Mona actually seemed. _You’ve practically ruined my life_ , the smaller brunette was probably thinking, _what could you possibly want now?_

\- I… – Spencer began responding, even though Mona hadn’t said a word until the moment. Her voice was faltering already and she didn’t exactly know what else to say beyond “I came to apologize for being the reason you got fired” but, in spite that, she stopped. An open suitcase on the couch inside Mona’s hotel room caught her attention. – Where are you going?

   The question sounded more straightforward than anything Spencer could’ve rehearsed on her way there. Mona’s jaw tightened significantly and she looked the other way. _I can’t believe your audacity_ , Spencer read the other one’s mind once again. Although, Mona let her in, silently still.

\- I’m gonna stay with my mom in Philly until I have everything figured out for me again – she sat on the couch beside her suitcase, not inviting Spencer to sit with her, but also not seeming to mind if Spencer decided to do so, which she did.

   The taller girl frowned, giving the other one a look that hopefully said “what do you mean?”.

\- I’m tired – Mona responded, not sounding angry anymore, but indeed exhausted.

   Something inside Spencer cracked. Mona’s vulnerable side was suddenly visible to the naked eye and that had never happened so fast.

\- Look, I think I can fix it – Spencer felt entitled to jump in, almost in a reflex. – I can tell whoever your superior is that you had nothing to do with the leak.

\- It’s not the job, Spencer. It’s everything. It’s this sick town and the magnet it has over me, over all of us. I can’t take it anymore. There’s a history of heart attacks in my family, you know? And, believe me, needing a pacemaker before I’m thirty is not on my plans.

   Spencer couldn’t help but smile to herself. Claiming physical incapacity of dealing with Rosewood’s wickedness seemed like a good alternative to get the hell out of there. It wasn’t cowardice; it was wisdom, really.

\- I hope it doesn’t sound arrogant, but I think Rosewood has its magnet over me and the girls, and we have a magnet over you. If it weren’t for us, you could’ve left five years ago for good. In fact, a lot of things wouldn’t’ve happened if it weren’t for us. If anything, you staying here after Charlotte’s hearing shows that, somehow, you care.

   Mona smiled as well, a timid little smile.

\- That means more to me than you’ll ever know.

   In a snap, Spencer’s mind flashed back to junior year of high school; to the masquerade ball, precisely. But instead of causing her stomach to tighten, that same affirmation warmed her up. Spencer smiled one more time.

\- So what was that about figuring things out again?

  Mona leaned against the back of the couch and sighed. For a moment, it seemed like they were actual friends.

\- Have you ever looked in the mirror and felt that the person looking back wasn’t the same one that’s inside you?

   Spencer blinked a couple of times before briefly nodding. That one existential question had haunted her ever since she was seven and her and her mother had their first casual conversation about universities.

\- I’d say I spent quite a bit of my time in college feeling exactly like that.

   Mona stared at Spencer not only as if she was engaged in her story, but also as if she was looking for some kind of advice.

\- What gave you the self-assurance you needed?

\- My mom’s proud smile when they played the graduation song last year? – Spencer shrugged, almost completely certain that it was a pretty crappy reason to feel self-assured. – Okay, I see what this is about. I’m not blissful with what I do nowadays, but I don’t dislike it either.

   Mona looked away from Spencer again to seemingly analyze the girl’s last sentence.

\- Of course you don’t dislike it. You were so well trained that now you’re used to it. And I bet you don’t see yourself doing anything else, too, am I right?

   Mona’s slightly cocky conclusion had everything to enrage Spencer – the lower voice tone, the very subtle smirk and practically no eye contact(as if Mona was talking behind Spencer’s back) –, but it didn’t. This time, it was such a truthful statement that Spencer knew she didn’t have the right to try and defend herself from it. 

\- Do _you_ see yourself doing something else?

   Mona crossed her legs and rested one arm over the back of the couch; her hand almost touched Spencer’s shoulder and the taller girl paid attention to the motion for a second.

\- In order to answer that, I’d have to tell you a little secret – Mona said, and there was definitely some sort of flirt in her tone.

   Spencer’s heart skipped a few beats but she tried to ignore it.

\- As long as you don’t kill me after, I’m all ears.

   Mona didn’t seem to find any amusement in Spencer’s joke. In fact, she seemed to be quite nervous all of a sudden.

\- When I got out of Radley – she began after taking a deep breath –, I wanted to prove to myself and to everyone around me that I was just as sane as before. Actually, saner than ever before.

\- Like a 2.0 version of you – Spencer added, briefly thinking back to the moment when she’d had her hands around Mona’s neck, while the whole debate club was watching.

\- Exactly. And the best way to do that was to try and outsmart the smartest girl in Rosewood High. Let’s just say that I took this “goal” to college with me without even knowing.

   Spencer’s eyes widened as realization started to sink in.

\- You’re saying that you _majored_ in political science because deep down you wanted to compete against me?

   Mona bit on her bottom lip to refrain a smile. She obviously knew how ridiculous it all sounded.

\- Hit me with your best copycat insult – she closed her eyes for a second, as if she was actually waiting for an insult. – I deserve it. 

   Spencer simply laughed.

\- Is it weird that I’m flattered?

\- A little – Mona laughed along. – Seriously, though. I had to get fired from the first job I knew I could gain real experience at… to realize that I just _didn’t_ care about it.

\- What _do_ you care about? – Spencer leaned forward a bit, touching Mona’s forearm in some sort of encouragement.

   Even though Mona took some time to think, it seemed as if she knew the answer to that question by heart.

\- I remember one time when Hanna came to visit me at Radley – she began, with a somewhat nostalgic expression on her face. – I guess they had just changed my meds because I was still a little groggy, but I remember telling her that, even though Radley wasn’t such a terrible place, I wanted to help people with the same problems as me so they wouldn’t have to go through what I went through. To sum up, being a psychiatrist was once a dream of mine and now I’m ashamed of myself for not following it right from the start.

   By the time Mona concluded, she and Spencer were both teary-eyed.

\- You’re still going to follow it, right? – Spencer moved her hand up and down Mona’s forearm. – I mean, if there’s anyone who can have two diplomas hung up on their wall, one not even remotely similar to the other, it’s you, Vanderwaal.

   Mona smiled again, thankfully, and nodded.

\- I plan on following it, but first I have to go tell my mom that my aspiring career as a politician was nothing but a lie and _yes_ , you were the first person I ever told this to, so I hope you’re feeling special.

   Spencer decided to embrace the fact that her heart was hammering inside her chest by sliding her hand down to hold Mona’s.

\- More than you’ll ever know.

   Mona squeezed Spencer’s hand back after a second. Her smile hadn’t faded yet and Spencer could see the blush spreading across her cheeks.

\- What about you, Hastings? What’s _your_ dream forgotten in time?

   Spencer had seen that question coming, but she was feeling truly empty-headed at the moment. The more she tried to think back to her childhood, the more she realized that there hadn’t been much spare time in between her weekly interchangeable schedules for her to dream.

\- I guess I wasn’t very much of a dreamer as a kid – she tried to shrug off the inexplicable urge of crying that suddenly hit her.

\- Bullshit – Mona said, with that unshakeable certainty in her tone. – Children are, by definition, dreamer beings. Now, come on. There has to be something. An unfulfilled desire. A thing that used to give you a breath of fresh air every time you thought about it.

   Mona had her eyes locked on Spencer’s. It was like she knew for sure that the answer to her question was inside Spencer somewhere, and it was like she _believed_ in Spencer’s capacity of finding it on her own.

   That unfamiliar trust was what made an image of Spencer’s six year old self pop into her mind. In it, she was kneeled down, petting a street puppy. Then, her father started yelling at her. _Get away from that filthy dog._ They were probably late for something, because Peter grabbed one of Spencer’s wrists – in a way that hurt, outside and inside –, pulled her up and continued on dragging her to wherever they needed to be. _No, Daddy, I wanna take him home! Yeah, you keep on dreaming, Spence,_ was Peter’s response. Ah, the irony!

   Spencer’s head was aching by the time she blinked back into reality. It was like she had lived with amnesia for years. 

\- There was a time in my life when all I wanted was a puppy – Spencer began, almost in a whisper. – But my parents… well, you know my parents. They were too busy, I was too immature and the house was too clean for a puppy, let alone one taken off the street – she paused to wipe off a tear, realizing that she was actually angry at her parents now. – All I knew during that phase was that I wanted to be a veterinarian more than anything. My drawings would confirm that, but I’m pretty sure they’ve been thrown out. And not by me.

   Mona obviously needed a moment to absorb all that information.

\- Go for it, Spence – she encouraged the girl, delicately tucking some hair behind her ear. Spencer had to blink once again to properly take in what was being said to her. – Life’s too damn short for you to get out of it owing something to your younger self. If you feel like you need to, go get your second diploma. Go be the best fucking vet that D.C. has ever seen!

   Mona concluded with a grin, and Spencer couldn’t help but mirror it. The taller girl’s chest was filled with a confidence that she had never felt before. She was excited for the future in a way that she didn’t remember being, ever. Putting it all into one word, it was genuine _happiness_ and, before she knew it, she was brushing her lips against Mona’s because she needed to let some of that happiness out.

\- Thank you – Spencer whispered as she pulled away a bit.

   Mona stroked Spencer’s cheek.

\- You too.

   Spencer couldn’t quite comprehend what had just happened. Sure, Mona had given up lurking around a long time ago. She had helped Spencer and the girls many times before, but nothing coming from her had ever reached Spencer’s soul in such a way.

   Spencer kissed Mona again, deeply, because of the lack of words to thank her and because there would never be a better way for Spencer to express the distinct affection that she was starting to feel towards that girl.

\- You know what? – Mona asked while catching her breath; their faces were only a couple of inches away from each other. – I can finish packing later. Now I wanna take you somewhere.

   Spencer smiled as she allowed the smaller girl to lead her out of the hotel room by one hand.

\- Where? – she didn’t really felt like asking. After all, she knew that, now, she fully trusted Mona.

\- The animal shelter.


End file.
